Laughing at the virus

All work and no play makes Jack, or Stu, a dull boy. So today, just for fun, a bunch of jokes about COVID-19 and the lockdown. These were sent to me by a friend and they come off the internet.

*Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

*I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.

*I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

*I still haven’t decided where to go for Memorial Day: The Living Room or the Bedroom.

*PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

*Homeschooling is going well. Two students suspended for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job.

 *I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.

 *This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog . . . we laughed a lot.

 *So, after this quarantine will the producers of “My 600 Pound Life” just find me or do I find them?

 *Quarantine Day 15: Went to this restaurant called “The Kitchen.” You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

*My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

*Day 15 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

*Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

*Day 16 of Homeschooling: My child just said “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year.”

*Better six feet apart than six feet under.